Purses and Hubcaps

The other day as we stopped at an intersection an older compact vehicle drove through with unmatched hubcaps. 

“Did you see that car?”  I asked my husband who was looking in the other direction.  “It had two different kinds of hubcaps.” My husband who had just gotten a green light almost braked again as he glanced at me in astonishment.  

“What?”  he asked incredulously. 

“Well, that car that you just missed seeing had plain round hubcaps in the back but more spiky ones in the front,”  I explained.  “It sure looked goofy.”

“Why, honey,”  he said delightedly, “You’re actually starting to notice wheels!  That’s wonderful!”  

“Don’t get too excited about it,” I murmured. 

This has been a longstanding bone of contention in our marriage that he likes wheels and I----don’t.  Every vehicle we have ever bought has generated long discussions about its current wheels and much longer online researching to find new ones.  I can understand why tires need to be replaced, but perfectly good wheels??  

First off, it took a while to figure out that wheels are not equal to ‘hubcaps’.  Remember the days when you drove up the main street in town and someone would have carefully placed a lone hubcap beside the road in case the owner came looking for it?  Well, here’s the difference.  Wheels are on the tires just like the former hubcaps, but you won’t find them lying haplessly beside the road (without the rest of the car)  because they are solidly attached to the rims and can’t just come flying off without causing a terrific accident. 

My husband has tried to explain this to me many, many times, but it wasn’t until I noticed the mismatched ‘hubcaps’ (that were actually wheels) that I began to study the wheels of cars in the Superstore parking lot.   I realized that all tires have wheels of many different shapes.  These are bolted on with the bolts clearly visible.  In the past the hubcaps were the decoration that covered the bolts.  Now it is a thing of pride to know and show what your ‘bolt pattern’ is.  Besides the bolt pattern, a tire can have any kind of metal shape in its center. 

Sometimes the metal is a flashy chrome with dangerous spikes, or layers of spokes that whirl hypnotically, or the understated elegance of the classic star shape.  These can be quite interesting and quite expensive!  

When a car looks like it has lost its hubcap then you are looking at the ‘coolest’ wheel of today---simple black.  I think it’s really just a cheap shot at covering up unsightly chrome that has lost its finish.  It gets roughed up and repainted with black matte paint and voila!   A star is born! 

So this is how I try to understand the wheel enthusiasm of some men.  If you are a woman who loves accessories, you will go to the Gucci store and by the hottest bag in the window, or you will find the highest heels or the glitziest watch.  On the other hand, you might feel the most dressed up in the understated elegance of your ‘little black dress’.  These are ‘wheels’ for the woman of fashion.  Quite interesting and quite expensive, but necessary?   Not according to my husband!